Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
