Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
smell my finger.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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