I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
