then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
