Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize