is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
