that's an acceptable place to lick
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize