i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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