Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
