Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Panties = found
Randomize
