At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
