ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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