Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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