An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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