This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
