My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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