4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
