He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
