Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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