Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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