fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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