Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
