He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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