idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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