I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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