we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
