I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
