You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
