Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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