Just cropdusted the office
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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