I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
