My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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