I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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