something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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