did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
