Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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