Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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