she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
