Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
