I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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