Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
