hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
