I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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