In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
