Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just invented taco cereal.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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