I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
