Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
