Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
