On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
