last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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