Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
