I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
