3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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