So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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