I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
