Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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