hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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