My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
