census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
