put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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