Just cropdusted the office
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
