Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
