Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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