My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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