Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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