I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
