i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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