I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We got so high we made milksteak
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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