We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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