So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
