I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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