I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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