What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
