I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
