Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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