my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize