It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
