laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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