glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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