Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
