apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
