i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
