ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
