So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
