there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
