I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
