considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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