You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
the raccoons are back...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
