I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
