My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Alive.
So much puke
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
