It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
