i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
