Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
