DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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