I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
not ubering you a puppy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
