i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize