I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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