tequila makes me forget i have legs
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
