I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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